Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am naked and annoyed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
