Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize