I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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