I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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