Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
