I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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