Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I FOUND THE LEGS
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize