Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
