And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
