Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have fence marks all over my body
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
