I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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