This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
