Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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