she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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