I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
