i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
