if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
