he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
