I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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