last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize