He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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