All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
