btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
