a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
