it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
