Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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