ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
