You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
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