I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
