He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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