u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
