I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
this hospital has no fireball
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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