i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
