No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
