DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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