I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
