Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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