My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
