you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
