Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize