Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
