I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How does it feel to date your dad?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize