Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
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At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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