Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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