i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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