I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
