I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
