Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Two words: blizzard sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize