I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
