Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
