I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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