it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
