The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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