Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
