the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize
