Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
