the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
