i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize