He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
