For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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