My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
