You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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