dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
