New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
