Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
