u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
