Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
