he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize