he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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