Jerry, you need to find god
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
