I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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