Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize