put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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