i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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