I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
