The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
