once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
